don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
