If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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