Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my poor anus
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
