he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
