If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
