She's JV to your varsity
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
