Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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