Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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