He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
