WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
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