im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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