When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
