Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
