dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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