I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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