I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
