The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
