i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
