i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
