She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
