I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
