dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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