You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
