Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
