saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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