Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
