I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
