dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
