I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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