i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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