I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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