By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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