A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
