She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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