She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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