So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
