there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
