Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
