Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize