I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
