matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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