she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
