We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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