you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
false alarm. still invincible.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
