There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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