Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
