I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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