I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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