Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
