is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
