Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
