U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
