Pants 0. Shit 1.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I FOUND THE LEGS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
