after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.