I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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