just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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