i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
