Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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