Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hippo gnu deer
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
