Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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