I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
