they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
