i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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